Lori Magnotti

Blazin’ Glory

Hi, my name is Blazin’ Glory. I’m a bike, an extraordinary bike, because I have the ability to do what no other bike has done before. You see, I have a good friend named Lori and the ability to travel through the roads of her mind, or Memory Lane, as some like to call it. I am about to embark on a journey that I haven’t taken in a long time. You are welcome to join me. Right now, we are all going through a tough time with this Covid-19 virus and doing what we can to stay safe. Being in lockdown isn’t easy, but for Lori and others like her, there is an extra challenge. Lori has PTSD, which is short for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. It is something that never completely goes away but does go into hiding. It’s when we experience life-changing events that PTSD seems to take center stage. The journey I’m about to take you on has a lot of twists and turns as we explore some of the memories PTSD has brought forward in Lori’s mind right now. So, hop on board and hold on tight! Away we go!

Looks like our trip is off to a good start, since we’re coasting downhill with ease. Just sit back and relax. Oh no! Wait! There’s a brick wall ahead. Who put that in our way? Looks like we’ve come to a dead end, but why?

Well, it is here when Lori is six years old and she is diagnosed with childhood cancer. Life stopped short for her. The prognosis wasn’t good. She spent the next two years of her life in and out of the hospital as she endured high doses of radiation and chemotherapy. It was a rocky road, but she defied the odds that were stacked against her. When her treatments were over, she was somehow able to drill a hole in that brick wall and squeeze back onto the road again.

It wasn’t the straight and narrow streets she traveled though. It was a very swerve-y road up a mountain because of the lasting effects of her treatment, including vision problems and hearing loss. It was a struggle, but she made it uphill despite many physical and emotional setbacks. She even went on to graduate from high school and college.

Oops! We slow down here. There’s a speed bump coming up before the intersection. Which way do we go? Lori, now in her twenties, felt lost here and made a left when everyone else turned right. They were heading to the main highway—getting married, starting families, etc. Her desire was to be on that road, too. However, she couldn’t find her way. So instead of looking ahead, she started looking in the rear-view mirror and realizing how much all she had been through had affected her life. She felt left out and wanted to give up.

It was at this point that Lori was first diagnosed with depression and PTSD. Thankfully, the depression went away, but like I said earlier, PTSD

doesn’t ever really go away. Now that we are on lockdown, PTSD is reminding her of all the times she felt isolated and alone. Again, it was an uphill bike ride that got harder and harder to pedal, but with the help of God, Lori was somehow able to keep moving forward, although still on a path all her own.

Most of her time was spent in Manhattan. She first worked in the West Village and loved exploring it during lunch breaks with the friends she made. She then worked at a major investment firm on the other side of the Hudson River.  This meant going through the World Trade Center to catch a train get to work. The ride is going smoothly.But look! There’s a detour ahead! We will have to take a sharp turn, so hold on!

Wow! What’s this? There’s a giant crater in the middle of the road with no way around it! Life once again comes to a standstill for Lori, now in her thirties. She was having trouble breathing because the radiation she had as a child had narrowed her airways. It was during her three-week hospital stay that 9/11 happened. The reality of not being able to head back to the WTC began to set in. Furthermore, while in the hospital, Lori had to undergo a tracheostomy. She was told she would have it for life.

Not too long afterward, Lori’s vision worsened, making things even harder for her.  This was life-changing for Lori.  But her story doesn’t end here. She somehow built a bridge to get over this crater, for she knew God was still pointing her towards tomorrow.

As we pedal forward, you’ll see the potholes and grassy terrain that she made her way through. There are times we will slow down and other times in which the breeze will give us a boost forward. There will be many red lights and green lights. From here, Lori’s determination drove her forward as she did her best to make her life as productive as possible. She made new friends through support groups, volunteered her time when possible, shared her story in hope that it would help others, and always tries to be her own advocate, so she can live life to the fullest.

The streets are growing quieter now because of Covid-19. I will let you off here. I’ve given you the short tour. Lori had a lot of other physical and emotional setbacks along the way, mostly from having had childhood cancer. Maybe we can explore those at another time. In the past couple of weeks, her PTSD has gotten somewhat better and she knows that it will soon go back into hiding. I will be using this time to rest my pedals for a while, because Lori’s journey is far from over.

Bio

An adult survivor of childhood cancer, living with major challenges and an even more major imagination. She is a participant in Visible Ink.